Don't Forget Me
by Neriede
Summary: Secrets can be anything—a whisper, a giggle...even murderous. Our secret was our goodbye—I think I died a little there. But it's alright: I've got a secret of my own—I'd die a hundred times over if I could just relive that one night...[OneshotAxelRoxas]


Hey there! So this is the first piece I'm—coughfinallycough—posting up here that's actually recent work (the other one-shot I have up here was already pretty old when I decided to post it). It's kind of lame at the beginning, but it gets better, I promise!

Alright. So here's the deal—this is supposed to be a pre-KHII fic. BUT—! It should still line up with the game's plotline (please note that I'm not taking the new Final Mix scenes into to account here, for the sole reason that I have never seen them). If you find something that contradicts this, please tell me, and if it doesn't interfere with the plot line of my story I'll try to fix it. If it _does_ ruin the plot line…TOO BAD! D: I've worked too hard on this to tear it apart again. ;; Just bear with me here, okay?

For those of you who have already faved/watched me, this is for you. -/-dances-/- And with that, I duly present, specially for those people just mentioned….Don't Forget Me!! Oh, and also a shout out to Victoria and Olivia, who have kept this story going, even though they probably don't know it. XD

Suggested listening: 'Say Goodbye' by Skillet

* * *

Don't Forget Me

Even the other members had their secrets—there was a reason for the numerous amount of scars that Xigbar had amassed, and yet still another reason why Xaldin was oh so intimately involved (1); Larxene had a gambling problem and Luxord somehow always had spare cash on hand; Demyx danced with the Dancer Nobodies when nobody was looking (or so he thought), and hey, Marluxia painted. Of course, I didn't know about any of these. Of _course_. Nope.

But even if I did (which—_ahem_—I didn't) it wouldn't have mattered—I had a little something more special.

But in a way, I pitied them…they were incredibly talented at these activities—nobody could dance better than Demyx, and Marluxia's creations were certainly stunning, even if flowers and pink did get a little old. The only problem was how incredibly _physical_ it all was (something Xigbar and Xaldin especially had a knack for). It was absolutely…empty, and, in a way, almost generic—just paltry attempts to recreate a life they'd never had.

For them it was like chasing that dream they had forgotten—that dream that eluded them the next morning, when they _swore_ they'd had it just a second ago, back when they were fast asleep…it was so close, right on the surface of their skins, buzzing and teasing and yet…it eluded them still. Because among every twirl, every stroke, every rythmatic thrust, something was still missing.

But there had always been something about…_him_. Something different and unlike anything I had ever tried to feel at all. He was real, _alive_.

He had a _heart_.

Everybody knew this, even though no one admitted it, too busy silently berating ourselves with one single thought, "What makes _him_ so special?" Of course, Roxas wasn't exactly complete, but he was more real than any of us had ever hoped to be. And naturally, we were all dying to know how he'd came to be, what bizarre circumstances had given him the damn right to own a heart.

But the Superior hardly let anyone touch him; obviously, he was too valuable to show case often, and he was incredibly particular about it whenever he _did_ bring him out to our public eye.

Meetings were incredibly useless in a practical sense, a formality really, but the Superior was smart about these—every time Roxas arrived and sat in his horribly oversized chair, there wasn't ever a single eye elsewhere in the room. He was beautiful, like a china doll on display, which essentially was all he was anyway. And every time he looked over the vast emptiness of the room, we saw in him a sort of complete and utter loneliness.

We envied it in the worst possible way. We were pathetic, desperate for the lonely feelings of our desolate comrade—this miserable boy was our idol. We were filled with new, albeit still empty, determination, throwing ourselves at whatever task the Superior beset upon us. Even the Superior himself fell prey to these effects, even though he'd been the one who'd put Roxas up like a piece of meat in the first place.

Then one day Roxas got sick of it all.

I'll never forget how he barged into my room that day, flustered and red in the face, an anger unlike anything I'd seen in him emitting off of him in volumous waves. I think I can honestly say I was surprised, especially when he vigorously beckoned, "_**You**_." and grabbed me by the arm.

There was no "Let's go on an adventure!", "We're leaving." or any other such words uttered—he merely took my arm and led us to nowhere in particular. We walked quickly, past halls and rooms I'd never even glanced in, under doorways I'd never even known existed. By the time he let us stop, we'd outdistanced the castle by a great deal—I was oddly light-headed and heavy in the stomach. At the time, I couldn't place the odd sensation for myself, but Roxas was kind enough to give me the conversation of my non-existent life.

"You're scared, aren't you?"

My face was downcast and scrunched, trying to display whatever emotion I thought was appropriate to imitate—he took my hand and squeezed it, and all of a sudden my whole body felt light. I looked at him, surprised.

"You've never been this far from the castle without orders, have you?"

My stomach lurched and I found myself unable to answer his question.

I began one of my own instead, "Why…?"

His expression darkened and his grip tightened, causing me to wince slightly.

"Fresh air. Release. _Escape._ Take your pick."

"Ah…I mean, why…?"

"Oh," he released his hold and I suddenly felt stupid and foolish with my arm hanging back at my side, "You wanna know—why _you_, right?"

I nodded a tentative 'yes'.

"Don't feel too special; you were the first person I found. You're only a distraction until I have to go back."

To this day, I still do not know what it was that did it—perhaps it was my face or my stance. Maybe it was what I'd said in response—

"I'm perfectly fine with that."

He laughed. He let loose a laughter that made me tremble inside; I'd never seen anything like it. For one moment, he was something entirely unrecognizable—he was happy. My envy for whatever loneliness I saw in him simply vanished—this new vibrance I saw captured my desire at once.

"I like you. You're incredibly simple."

My face flushed and I stuttered, "N-no I'm not!"

"Oh, but yes you are. You're an open book, and it doesn't take me long to read you through and through."

He smiled with every word, but I was anything but comforted. He leaned closer into me. A thin bead of sweat slid unprofessionally down my temple.

"You're embarrassed, aren't you? Because I'm right?"

I gulped and said nothing.

"Maybe even frightened? No one's ever treated you like this before, have they?" his hand took hold of my arm again, forcibly enough to earn a gasp out of me, "And yet, you're probably the happiest you've ever been, because no one's _ever_ given you this kind of attention."

In that moment I hated his smile, sly and cruel and so…_cold. _It terrified me to no end. His free hand reached up and grabbed me by my coat, pulling me down until our visions were level. I felt a brush of his hair against my forehead, our faces were so close.

"I'm sending shivers down your spine, aren't I Axel? I can feel the exhilaration racing within you; isn't it grand? You love it—don't bother giving me plights of denial. _Nothing's _ever made you feel so _alive_. Even now you know it—no amount of destruction will ever make you feel like _this_.

"What? Are you surprised I knew? I'm not stupid—you all do it. You all make pathetic attempts at truly living. But _you_…you're different. While everyone is off trying to prove their existence with creation, you instead _destroy_ things—you set things _on fire_." (2)

I wanted to smack the smirk off his face. I hated how he spoke in a way that assumed he knew everything about me, had me all figured out. I hated it all—his cruel smiles, his forceful movements, right down to the very center of him—I wanted to rip that heart of his right out and make it _mine_. Because it just wasn't _fair_. Why was he doing this? It wasn't like he'd forgotten I wasn't supposed to feel anything at all. Those were the rules—none of what he'd said should've been true. Except…

Except I hated him for being so _damn_ right. All of it—the fear, the exhilaration, the shivers, the _embarrassment_. God, I really _was _an open book…

And then, like glass slowly exploding, my hatred began to disappear and I calmed down. After all, he hadn't said anything that wasn't true…As the last shards of my hatred fell away, I could only think of one thing:

'_How can someone so overpowering be so…?_'

"Y-you're—you're really short."

He let me go, surprised. I almost expected him to be mad; instead he laughed. He laughed so hard he fell to his knees and started crying, grasping at his sides for support. His laugh was incredibly awe-inspiring. It filled me right down to my toes—I instantly committed it to memory.

The laughter died down a bit and he wiped his eyes with his sleeve, "I like you Axel. You really _are_ simple, aren't you?"

"I'm perfectly fine with that."

And really, I was.

Roxas laughed more times that day than I ever remember.

_Really_, I _was_ perfectly fine.

* * *

We always went back. Every time.

It wasn't like either of us had anywhere to go, no special someones or home outside the Organization to go back to. Roxas was only temporarily escaping; I only came because Roxas wanted me to. And truthfully, I wanted me to come just as much as he did, only there was no real reason for _me _to escape. I liked making him laugh though, making him _forget_ everything, making him peel away his layers until he was just Roxas, plain and simple. He was…kind of goofy, actually. Half the time I didn't even understand what he was saying.

"Axel, do you ever wonder what Saïx's Somebody must have been like?"

"I…guess…"

"Like, maybe he was an assassin or something!"

"That's…possible…"

"Or! Maybe…! Maybe he was a librarian!"

"…"

"Yeah! And then at night, on a full moon, he'd go and run free in the woods! Ya' know?"

"…uh…"

"Or, I don't know, maybe he was some really, _really_ bratty kid's babysitter."

"…I guess we'll never know."

I smiled anyway and pretended to understand. I secretly wondered to myself if Roxas' own Somebody had been this…_interesting_. He would talk about _everything_. But I enjoyed our conversations none the less, even though most of them were complete nonsense, because the rest of the time he spoke he blew my breath away.

"Axel…?"

"Hmm…?"

"I'm sorry."

"What…what for?

He looked away and turned a soft shade of red, "For our first time out here; I grabbed you, said things I should've have…"

"But, you were _right_…everything you said was…"

He looked at me imploringly, almost sad in a way.

"That doesn't make what I _did_ right. I was so excited to be finally out, so…_tired_ of having my emotions played with like chess pieces. But that's no excuse for playing around with yours."

A tense silence drifted between us, thick and anything but quiet. I twiddled my fingers.

"Roxas…?

"Uh-huh?"

"Why do you care so much about me? I mean, it's not like…I'm special or anything. It's not like there's a rule that says you _have_ to treat something like _me_ right."

His face turned sour as a slight growl mixed with a moan stirred in his throat. I watched him with interest.

"I hate that kind of thinking. It's inconsiderate of the feelings of others. '_Something_ like me' indeed…dammit Axel, have a little more faith in yourself!"

I felt a lump form in my throat, felt something under my skin begin to bubble. My head was swimming, my fingers started to itch—I clenched them into fists.

"But _wh_y?" I breathed, tensing angrily.

He swayed back a little, perhaps unsure of how to respond at first.

"Because I _do_ care Axel."

I stood up suddenly , my voice a little shaky and loud, "But _why_?! _Why_ do you care?!"

He looked at me with wide eyes, mouth slightly open as if to say something. His words fell away and he lowered his gaze, reached out to take my hand and merely uttered, "Axel…"

I smacked his hand away and yelled, "No! Tell me, Roxas! Why?!"

"_Because_, Axel."

"No! I don't! I don't _exist_ Roxas!"

"Yes you do!"

"Stop it! I don't!"

"Yes," he grabbed my arm, grabbed me like he did the first time he truly spoke to me, the first time I ever heard words that _really_ mattered, the first time he sent shivers down my spine…just like the ones dancing all over my skin now…,"you _do_."

I stilled myself, words fleeing from me.

I began, not really sure what I was saying, "But I—"

"You exist," he gripped my other arm, both hands holding onto me gently as he looked intently at me, "because I _want_ you to."

"Roxas…"

"Because I care. Because you _matter_, Axel."

"Roxas, I…"

I felt the air around him stiffen, as if he was nervous about something. This in turn made me nervous, although I'm not exactly sure why I was afraid to show it—but I'm sure he read me anyway like the book I was. He bunched my sleeves in his fingers, averted his gaze shyly for a second and then returned it, determined. He pulled on my coat a little and tiptoed slightly into my figure. Time seemed to stop. He breathed in and swallowed.

I wanted that moment to stretch on forever, but…

He hesitated. Time seemed to switch back on as we both caught our breath and exhaled. He let me go and sank back to the ground, looking at his feet with a defeated look, cheeks rosy.

In all the time I'd spent believing I was insignificant, the only thing I had hated more was the fact that everyone around me felt the same way. So when so many people around me couldn't have cared less if I dropped off the face of the castle, why did this one boy care so much?

I placed my hand on his shoulder—he lifted his head and looked at me curiously. Without regard for any words I pulled him close to me and embraced him.

I whispered, "Thank you."

I felt his arms slide across my back and pull me closer. In that moment I had never felt so alive.

Because he made me feel important.

* * *

Darkness in my opinion was a fickle thing. I'd often pass the time waiting for my next escapade with Roxas by watching the various shadows around me. The contrast between light and dark fascinated me—seeing the way light swallowed up the shadows just by merely being _there_ frightened me a bit.

In this way, being awakened to my own existence had several unexpected effects—nobody had ever told me it would feel so _impermanent_. When I thought I hadn't existed I had technically been an endless being—strictly speaking, having no existence had meant I'd never had a beginning in the first place, and I certainly couldn't have an end without a start. In a way, I'd enjoyed the security in this way of thinking, even if I realized now it was all horribly wrong. This was because I was different, and I'd simply just been taught that this difference was wrong, and therefore been written off as impossible; in the end I was no less real than a person missing an arm or a leg, just missing something a little more severe. This by no means meant I was truly alive, but the point was that all of a sudden I was aware of my own frailty.

All of a sudden I was like a candle flame, suspect to any and every gust of wind. I was suddenly just like every shadow I'd spent my time watching, subject to be swallowed at any given moment.

I was _vulnerable_, and had yet to learn that part of being real meant once in a while getting hurt.

"Axel."

"Hey Roxas."

"I'm leaving."

Existence really was such a clumsy affair.

* * *

In all fairness, Roxas was probably just as shaken by his decision as I was. My feelings were all jumbled and hard to pick apart, but honestly, this was no different than how I'd been doing before Roxas had even made his shocking proclamation. I almost understood now why Nobodies instinctively took to a life of mock-existence, playing emotionless fools—without hearts it was all just too frustrating to try and sort out any feelings we might have procured.

This however did not change the fact that I indeed _had_ feelings, nor was my current situation helping in the slightest. In the past I'd dealt with this by simply not caring to attempt labeling all the feelings I was letting myself experience, and had instead just let them run their course. I threw my energies into my times with Roxas, his presence oddly soothing my need to try and explain it all—with him I at least knew I was happy, and that was really all that mattered.

But now that the foundation for my stability—precariously balanced though it was—suddenly showed signs of disappearing, I began to grow afraid.

Because without him there was nothing worthwhile at all—he was my light, and I was simply just a shadow. Darkness was merely the _absence _of light; you couldn't even _explain_ darkness without light—you couldn't explain _me _without _him_.

Under the pretense of night, my nerves wracked and everything I felt slamming against my ribcage in protest, I stole away from the castle in one last desperate attempt to keep everything right.

* * *

It was really like any other night around the castle. The air was stiff, and nobody was asleep. Nobody ever slept.

Everyone knew Roxas was leaving, but nobody left their rooms or even showed any signs of interest. I knew better—Xigbar was devastated; the Superior was outraged; Demyx wanted nothing more than to cry. Everyone was upset in some way or another, but the sad truth was that nobody would admit or even realize it. This was expected, however much it angered me that everyone pretended not to care.

And yet, here I was: I laid my back against the wall, in some silly fashion I hoped looked calm and indifferent, when I was really anything but. What a hypocrite I was…What was I trying to prove? I stayed in that position for what seemed like hours, certain that he would pass by. All too long came the echo of footsteps, my chest thumping hard for some odd reason.

I swallowed, trying to get my breathing regulated while still sounding smooth, "So, your mind's made up?"

He stopped and my stomach felt like it was filled with a thousand fluttering butterflies. I tried my hardest not to let it show on my face. He didn't turn to face me, which made me angry and disappointed, but I favored to keep my cool and didn't let my composure slip.

"Why did the Keyblade choose me? I have to know."

So he _was_ serious. I was terrified at his resolve and before I even knew it, my anger burst forth and I jumped from the wall to properly face him and lash out, "You can't turn on the Organization! If you get on their bad side, they'll destroy you!"

He took a moment to answer, then promptly started off again, "Nobody would miss me…"

Something exploded within me. I further lost my composure.

"That's not true! I would…"

I was really hurt—did my opinion not matter anymore?

He stopped once more and responded under his breath, "Exactly."

His words cut through me and I rushed up to him and grabbed him. It was _my_ turn to be angry; _my_ turn to grab and be crude, _my_ turn to not let go no matter what happened…

"_But you said."_ I didn't yell, but my tone of voice surprised even me.

He looked at me with disgust, which I could only hope was feigned.

"Said what?"

"That I _was_ somebody! That I mattered!"

"Well, I'm not exactly the best judge of character now, am I? I would've stopped letting myself get pushed around long ago if I was."

I was so _mad_—my feelings were bubbling around inside me, red hot and boiling. Yet, I couldn't pinpoint exactly why.

"Why the hell are you doing this?!"

He struggled against me, "Why the hell do you _care_?!"

"You're not—!Just—!Just…"

"Just what Axel? What?"

I kissed him. I held him by both shoulders and kissed him hard on the mouth, and he finally knew why I cared so much. _I_ finally knew why I cared so much.

He threw his arms around my neck in a reckless sort of abandon and kissed me back with equal vigor. My arms moved to wrap around his waist possessively; Roxas was _mine_, and mine alone, if only just for that moment. My skin was on fire and my mind was numb—someone could've shot me in the head and I wouldn't have noticed. My tongue was quickly wrapped around his, his fingers moving through my hair, both of us holding onto each other like the world was about to crash.

And then suddenly, he stopped.

I had barely any chance to grasp what had happened before I found his hands on my chest, pushing me roughly and wrenching himself out of my arms. He stumbled backward somewhat awkwardly and looked at me from a distance with a look of repulsion, hand over his mouth. Or…was that fear I saw in his eyes?

"…Roxas?"

"Shut it!"

A flash of light danced in my eyes as Roxas called the Keyblade forth. He wasted no time in attacking. Dazed, I barely had enough sense to dodge—I didn't even call up my chakrams. I soon remedied this, as he was coming at me again at full force; with a burst of flames they spun into form and I held them like I always did, sure and familiar.

The Keyblade came down upon my head, but I blocked in time by holding up a chakram. The scrape of our weapons against each other echoed in my ears as he pressed down on me , gazing forcefully at me through the cross in my make-shift shield, teeth grit. I emulated him and clenched my own jaw, setting myself ready for anything he might throw at me.

We pushed at each other until I managed to throw him off, quickly retreating and jumping back to gain my bearings. I threw a chakram without really aiming, only hoping to just knock him off balance; he ducked and advanced in one swift movement, striking at the defenses I'd left wide open.

Getting hit with the Keyblade hurt a hell of a lot more than I'd expected it to, which was saying a lot, seeing as how getting hit with what was essentially a giant metal stick hadn't seemed like a ton of fun _anyway_. I fell to one knee, clutching my side in pain, as a chakram fell to the ground beside me with a clatter. When I opened my eyes the next second, I discovered myself at the point of Roxas' Keyblade.

And, for a moment, everything was perfectly still.

Roxas' breathing came across deep and ragged, the only sound that reached my ears. His grip on the Keyblade was steady; I tensed my fingers around my remaining chakram once, twice. I lowered my gaze.

"Why…", I began.

His breathing slowed to a more natural pace; my face was downcast, but I could feel his eyes searching me. I heard the leather of his gloves squeak as he gripped the Keyblade even tighter.

"Why are you so mad, Roxas?"

I raised my head and watched for any manner of reply; he had a look of pure terror and anger such as I'd never seen in him before. His whole body was shaking and with a shudder his grip loosened and the Keyblade disappeared before it even began to fall.

He looked at me, "I…" looked away again, "I—!"

A moment of hitched breathing and then the tears came.

"I didn't want to say goodbye, dammit!"

And he came at me, desperately, catching my lips in his as if he'd been waiting for this his whole life, as if we'd always be able to kiss like this. But he was on his knees, clutching at my coat, and kissing me in the World That Never Was, and if anything there was certain, it was certainly that _nothing_ in that world was _ever_ certain.

And I knew that all I could ever hope to offer him in return was only just a little bit of warmth, and so I slid my arms across the backs of his shoulders and held him.

He pulled away softly, but still close enough to feel his words buzzing on my lips, "Axel, about what I said earlier…I didn't mean—"

I shushed him and planted a kiss on his forehead, "I know."

I could feel his eyes shutting tight, fighting back the tears.

He held onto me, "…I can't stay here, Axel."

"I know." I whispered, "I know."

Somehow, I think I'd always known. I'd always known it would end like this, because a caged bird could only stay loyal to its cage for so long when the door was wide open, and Roxas had always been able and free to leave. And yet for some reason he _had_ stuck around, for quite some time now in fact.

I'd like to think _I_ was this reason, but either way, it wasn't like it was as easy for _me_ to leave. Perhaps that was why he'd stayed as long as he had…But with or without me, we both had known he'd eventually have to leave—I just hadn't thought of how to deal with it just yet.

I squeezed him against me, "Roxas, you know they're not going to sit around _forever_—eventually Superior's gonna send someone after you."

He shifted and buried his head next to my collarbone.

I felt the tears he'd shed smear on my skin, felt his breath tickle my neck as he spoke, "Then just make sure you're the one he sends."

A million things were rushing through my head at top speed and I didn't understand a single one of them. My chest was abnormally filled with an ache I couldn't place, but everything else seemed to have shut down. Why hadn't anyone told me just how _dangerous_ it was to care for someone? We stayed as we were, in each other's embrace, for what I'd wished was an eternity, but in reality was anything but.

"Axel…"

His head lifted and our eyes met, hazy and drunk full from the moment. He swayed slightly, as if apprehensive, before unsteadily falling towards me. He caught himself enough to merit the soft bumping of his forehead against mine. (3) I held him steady as he began to speak, eyes half lidded.

"I guess….this is all I can give you."

"Roxas, what are you—"my words fell short as he kissed me again, and I was surprised, but not at all unhappy.

This kiss was very different from the previous one, in that it was _much_ more gentle and careful. His hands moved to the sides of my face and I was suddenly aware of a piercing warmth that flooded me, making me dizzy and light-headed (but delightfully so, I decided). A burst of light formed between us, soft and dim but enlightening nonetheless. The oddity of this stuck at the back of my head, but other concerns kept it from reaching the front, where Roxas' presence held dominance.

He pulled away from me, and for a split-second his smile was illuminated beautifully by the slowly fading light that had formed just a little while ago. A sort of unease fell on me, a sensation tickling through me that I couldn't quite place—something was drastically different.

I looked at him with confusion, convinced he knew why I felt so strangely, "What…?"

He laughed, and although it wasn't the answer I'd wanted it still made me feel more at ease.

He placed his forehead on mine again with a smile, sighing, "You always _were_ simple, Axel."

A soft contentedness washed over me, mingled with the deepest hurt I had ever felt before, as he spoke one last time.

His voice echoed through me, like a wave I was desperately trying to stay afloat in—

_"Don't forget me?"_

I'm not sure when or even _how_ he left me, but at some point he did. I was left standing very alone, staring off into the direction I supposed he had left in, but there was little I was certain of anymore. A murmur of purpose moved through me, like a disease I gladly accepted; my head was bubbling of all thought and no words, the simple elation of breathing prompting me to move. I awkwardly lifted my arm from my side and tested its movement, flexing my fingers as if the action were new to me—and really, it was.

I cautiously placed my palm upon my chest, and I knew—this was our secret.

Beneath my fingertips, slowly, my heart began to beat.

* * *

(1) For some strange reason…I don't mind this paring all that much. O.o All I can say is: Ouch, Xigbar, those lances sure look sharp! And for all you perverse-minded people out there—I know who you are! D: Okay, no I don't, but _you_ know who you are (or at least, I hope so…)!— Shush. That comment was in no way meant to sound raunchy. :P

(2) D:

(3) I have a weakness for these. :B That, and tiptoe kisses. -/-spazzes-/-

OKAY. WHO DIDN'T GET IT?! D: -/-watches as everyone raises their hand-/- THEN I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE: -/-explodes-/-

No really, if you didn't catch it (in which case I _fail_, for bad writing), the secret was that Roxas gave Axel his heart. Which means that, yup, Axel's parading around under Xemnas' nose with the one thing the Superior desires most—and Xemnas doesn't even know it! XD And for those of you looking shifty eyed in Sora's direction, I say this: Oh hush, he'll be fine with a heartless Roxas. :P Because I _firmly_ believe that they are NOT the same person.

Holy crap, seven pages. I think that's even longer than the aforementioned Riku/Sora one-shot…But I think it was worth it! -/-sighs contently-/-

And give a thoughtful nod towards Death Cab for Cutie, whose songs the last parts of this one-shot were pretty much born on.

And _why_ are you still reading my blabberings?! Get to clicking that review button! Go on now, shoo! D:


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